A Troll Under the Bridge
by erialfinal
Summary: Lurking, lurking, underneath the bridge. Spade as a  literal  troll. An Oblivion/KHR crossover, flashfic.


DISCLAIMER: Neither Oblivion or Katekyo Hitman Reborn belong to me - each belong to their respective owners. The note that was included in the story was originally an Easter Egg in Oblivion.  
>AN: This was written in about fifteen minutes, for a little event (if it could be called that) on the irc channel for the formspring rp.  
>The theme was 'fairytales with a twist'. I fear I failed miserably. It ended up being a sad attempt at crack.<p>

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><p><strong>The Troll<strong>

Once, there was a troll named Daemon Spade.

He lived under a bridge, like most trolls, and his purpose in life was to scare the passer-bys to make them pay the bridge toll. However, whenever travellers crossed over the bridge, he was too cowardly to even come up from underneath the bridge and challenge them for their money. Hence, he stayed under the bridge, miserable, while humans passed overhead cheerfully, ignorant of what was lurking underneath. After a long time of contemplating his life, he decided that he was going to try one last time to serve his purpose. He waited for the tell-tale sounds of a traveller crossing over the bridge, and gathered his courage, readying himself.

Spade crawled out from underneath the bridge as the traveller halted in the middle of the stone archway, the horse that was being led by the reins rearing in fright and galloping away in the opposite direction, the traveller oddly having made no move to stop it from running away. After so long in the darkness, the sunlight made Spade's multiple eyes water as he advanced upon the traveller, whose face was not visible at the moment.  
>"Your... money..." He rasped as menacingly as he could, drawing himself up, taller and taller, until he loomed over the human. The traveller seemed to drop their bag in fear, and he nearly cackled - it wasn't so hard, after all.<p>

... Well, that was until the traveller looked up at him, nose wrinkled at his smell and ice-cold eyes locked straight onto his, a pair of silver handcuffs clutched in his hands. "And what if I do not want to pay?" Asked the traveller in a low voice, irritation seeping though his otherwise calm voice.

"Then... you will die..." Spade had never killed anyone before, but he was sure, with his new-found confidence, that he could start now. He paid the cuffs no attention, and kept advancing, unaware of the traveller's growing temper.

Suddenly, the traveller scoffed, tossing his head back in disdain, bright hair glinting in the light. "... You think you can kill me, troll? Fool. For daring to threaten me, insect... I will BEAT YOU TO DEATH." So saying, the traveller struck, a snarl of distaste dancing on his lips.

Spade reared back, his confidence suddenly gone, as the blond man struck out at him with the cuffs, the sharp metal biting into his hide. Even though his skin was thick, he could still feel the burn and sting of the spelled metal, and he flinched away, crawling back underneath the bridge like the coward he was, with nothing other than the cuts and welts left by the cuffs to accompany him.

The traveller ceased his attacks once the troll had disappeared underneath, scowling as he cleaned off the metal, now covered in thick green troll-blood. "A coward, that one. I expected a fight, but it decided to run away like the insect it was."

Listening to the traveller mutter above him, Spade felt ashamed of himself. So ashamed, that he thought: _'I'm such a useless troll. I should just go and die.'_

So thinking these angsty thoughts, he drew out from where he had kept a bundle of paper that he had found, along with a stump of charcoal - these he had found when he had moved here at first, in a bucket that had floated towards him as he had made his nest.

He scrawled a note (barely legible) and tucked it away, somewhere on his person. How he came to know how to write, no-one would ever know, as trolls were not thought to be intelligent enough to learn anything.

The traveller (whose name was Alaude, but the troll didn't know that) had paused to pick up his bags and had gone back into the wilderness to search for his horse, leading it back by the dangling reins, when he had heard a splash. Ever the curious one, he looked over the edge of the bridge, to see the cowardly troll that had just threatened him, floating face-down in the water.

"... Good riddance to bad rubbish," Alaude muttered, straightening up from his crouch, before hesitating, then jumping down onto the corpse of the troll.

He examined the troll's body, finding nothing of interest, except for the note, which read:

"_Mee wurst troll evurr_  
><em>nobuddy pay brijj tole<br>me nott sceary enuf_  
><em>mee gett drunc an kil sellf<em>  
><em>troll droun<em>"

Alaude thought that was amusing, so he kept the note, gave the corpse one last kick, before climbing back up onto the bank and rejoining his horse there (which was called Cavallone, coincidently) and riding off into the sunset. Later, the note would become part of the Mystic Archives of the Arcane University, to be pored over by scholars as they tried to figure out how a troll could read or write.

As for the Spade's corpse - well, it floated there, in the stream, until eventually, another traveller came along and saw it. Thoughtfully, they hauled the corpse onto the bank and burned it, so that it would no longer pollute the stream's water, and went off on the quest they had been assigned.

And as for Spade? Well, he now lives as a semi-famous troll in troll heaven (or troll hell).

The End.

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><p>Enjoyed it? Hated it? Didn't understand what was going on? Leave a review and tell me what you think.<p> 


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